Rough Draft #1 Workshop

Rough Draft #1
Workshop Questions
Overall
1. What do you like best about the paper? Be specific.

I like the overall topic presented in this research paper. You present some good arguments based on statistical data which is important when dealing with scientific matters because it provides legitimate backing of an argument.

2. Email the author and ask for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

Thesis3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis? What argument does the thesis make?

The author does not clearly express his opinion of the topic in the thesis, in accordance with how the thesis statement should be set up for this class. All that is written is “If I could choose anywhere in the world to live, I would not pick a place on the coastline.” You then go on to describe why you wouldn’t want to live on the coast; so the argument makes sense, just need to clear up the wording of the thesis.
4. What group of people agrees with the author? What group disagrees with the author?
Environmentalists would agree with the author, people that agree that global warming is causing sea levels to rise, causing coastal cities to suffer the consequences. People that would disagree with the author would be scientists and others who believe that is warming pattern is cyclical and that according to historical data, although it is warm at the moment, it will begin to decrease again shortly, and has nothing to do with societies influence on global warming.

5. Does the paper have an argumentative thesis statement using ALTHOUGH and BECAUSE?

The paper does NOT have an argumentative thesis statement using the ALTHOUGH and BECAUSE method.Content6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest! (Friends don’t let friend turn in boring essays!)

On a scale of 1 to 10, I would give this paper a 5. It is an interesting topic, however if the organization and facts were cleaned up a bit, it would be much more interesting.

7.Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader? Be specific (e.g. “the 3rd is dullsville”; “the conclusion is really vague”).

The author can more fully develop ideas throughout the paper. Starting with the first paragraph, he jumps right from the “thesis” into his main argument. By his expanding his first paragraph with interesting and intriguing statements, it will entice the reader to keep reading. This paper if full of information and data, so maybe putting in your own opinion in some areas might make the paper a better read, than just a paper full of statistical jargon.
8.What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise? If there are none, go back to #3.
Someone that might disagree with the author’s viewpoint might question the accuracy of the data given, and if it isn’t data from a credible source, then paper might be thrown out all together.

9.Has the author dealt with these objections?

The author has not really addressed the other side of the argument. A paper can still have a counter argument, just not argued as much or well. However by bringing to the paper both sides of the topic, you let the reader decide what side they want to take.
10.Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

Each paragraph has something to do with sea level rising, however could be polished to improve connection and sharpen the relevancy.

Style11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?
Transitions from one paragraph to the next are somewhat choppy, but that can be expected with a technical subject such as this one. Keeping in mind what you are going to write about in the next paragraph might help with the transitions. In the last sentence of the paragraph, setup the opening of the next paragraph by writing something that pertains to both of them. This is not possible for every transition, but it is an idea.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening?
The opening of the essay is not very interesting. It is a general and vague statement, and isn’t specific enough. A better one might be, the coastline of the United States and throughout the world are in grave danger. If I were to choose a place to live in the U.S., it wouldn’t be along the coast because of the potential sea level rises today and for years to come. By making it more specific, it draws the reader in, because they might feel personally affected.

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction?
In this draft of the paper, there is no concluding paragraph. The paper ends with another paragraph dealing with salt water levels causing sea level rises.
Research14. How many different sources are cited in the paper (don’t look at Works Cited or References (depending if it's MLA or APA); look at the parenthetical citations. The medium does not matter.)

There are 5 times where he has cited quotes using parenthetical citations. However only once does he give credit to the author using the authors name before the statement.
15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

I can not tell if he did or did not rely on just 1 or 2 sources because he did not have a work cited page in his paper.
16. Does the author have more quotes in his/her paper than personal opinion?

The author does not really state his own opinion, relies more on statistical data that wasn’t cited or sourced. 17. Are there any sources listed on the Works Cited or References that are not cited within the body of the essay? (This is a no-no)

N/A due to no work cited.
18. Is all the information retrieved from research, including opinion, ideas, paraphrases, quotes, and statistics, cited with in-text (parenthetical) citations? If not, list specifics of what needs to be cited (friends don’t let friends turn in plagiarized papers).

N/A due to no work cited.

19. All quotes in research papers should be commented upon. Does the author comment after every quote? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

Does not comment after quotes.